June 5, 2013 Leave a comment
BREAKING NEWS: Mrs. Latrine is now on her 137th minute of silence while she waits for her students to realize what she is doing, shush each other, and quiet down.
Today, a beautifully sunny day in Newhall, California, began with the normal regiment for Newhall Elementary’s 3rd grade class, led by Mrs. Latrine. Latrina, a tenured employee of Newhall Elementary School, is a veteran and knows every trick in the book to maintain order in her classroom. Bribes, point system, red cards, (at one point ruler spanking because yes she is that old), and even the silent treatment. All effective tools in a teachers back pocket. But today was no ordinary day. “Instead of their regular snacks, the school decided to try out these ‘fruit’ snacks that are basically compressed sugar,” stated Mrs. Latrine. “These things could kill a horse.”
The kids were noticeably unhinged after the snacks. But mathematics was coming up. Mrs. Latrine figured the kids would “finally have enough energy to stay awake during math,” but their energy levels far exceeded her expectations. She asked for quiet. There was none. She raised both her hands. It did not work. She decided to finally bust out the big guns. She stopped what she was doing and stared silently off at the children until they decided to softly shush each other. So far, this has been going on for a little over two hours. Reportedly she refuses to let her children go home until they are quiet. “At this point, I don’t even care if they learn the fucking math. It’s the principle of the thing. I need to win. I need this.”
We will continue to keep you updated as the story develops.