Joe Biden going through his 2nd mid-life crisis. Prefers to be called Bro Biden now.
August 29, 2011 Leave a comment
Frisbee’s being tossed back and forth, visor-caps slightly cocked to the side, Ed Hardy t-shirts. All of these things normally describe what would be a usual Wednesday afternoon at the Sigma Nu house at any university. The image that does not come to mind is our 68 year old Vice President. But that’s exactly the transformation that took place this past week.
It started out small. Small enough to be nothing more than a blip on the radar. He first got a nose stud on the down-low. “Everyone just thought it was a zit, but that makes no sense because he’s sixty-eight,” so says long-time friend and wife, Dr. Jill Biden. “Then he started referring to me as his ‘fuck buddy’ instead of his wife. Which would be fine, but he posted it on his Facebook. I didn’t know he even had a facebook!” This was only the beginning. Next he started sleeping in until noon and going to bed at four in the morning. He argued that if he was awake the same amount of time it didn’t make any difference. Good point for a twenty-something to make but not for the Vice President.
This is not Bro Biden’s first bout with a mid-life crisis. His first mid-life crisis came sixteen years ago in 1995. “It was an awkward time for American culture, fashion, and lifestyles for everyone. And Joe Biden was not immune from that awkwardness,” so says Cultural Scientist Googoo Gaga. “It seems that at the time of Mr. Biden’s first mid-life crisis, he was watching Saved by the Bell episodes religiously. That show is the epitome of the spirit in the 90’s so it only makes sense.” Similar to today, those closest to Biden believed that it was either a phase or an attempt to connect with the ‘every-man.’ But slowly he started wearing fluorescent, lime green clothing, and track suits that swish as he walked.
“I really identify most with Zack Morris,” Biden stated to a group of senior citizens as he was campaigning for BLAH BLAH office. No, no you do not identify with Zack Morris Mr. Biden. That is a ridiculous statement. The onlookers all scratched their heads in curiosity, and some in disdain. “What the *uck was he talking about?! Who is Zack Mantis?! I want to know if my Social Security check is coming or not!” said an 83 year old recipient of Social Security. It did not come.
This mid-life crisis, or possible third quarter-life crisis, has too come with a price. Similar to many young adults in college classes, Biden could not care about the lectures going on in front of him and recently slept through an entire speech made by Obama. “I mean I already know most of it so what’s the point? Obama don’t know nothing more than I do.” That isn’t not wrong Biden.
While some could see this as an attempt to reach the youth, Obama’s forte, it seems that in doing so, he has alienated the old as hell demographic, and embarrassed himself in front of the Daily Show generation.
No one knows when this phase will be over this time around. This perpetual relapse of youth can be dangerous, in fact deadly to some. Most notably, Franklin Delano Roosevelt told everyone he could get out of his wheelchair and play a match of Ultimate Frisbee, a popular and stupid game amongst twenty-somethings. Similarly, Abraham Lincoln, while faced with a gun in his…..well….face, he apparently stated “I’m young and invicible. Nothing can hurt me,” moments before his face was blown to bits, so says History Scientist Blahbitty Blahblah.
What will come of this odd stage in the Vice President’s life? Only time will tell.