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Americans Confused How to Feel About Newark Mayor’s “Heroism”

April 17, 2012 Leave a comment


Bad to the boner

Newark, NJ Mayor Cory Booker was recently admitted to the hospital for smoke inhalation and second degree burns after rescuing his elderly neighbor from a fire.  This has left Americans very confused as to how they should hate this.

Americans in recent years have been notorious for hating politicians for anything and everything they do.  Rightfully so on many occassions, but it has gotten to a point where even a show of heroism can be seen as a sign of weakness or unpatriotism.  As is true in the case of recent “hero” Cory Booker.

“I personally don’t trust a man who doesn’t trust the firemen to do their job.  Never forget 9/11,” said one passerby.  “I bet he started the fire just to save that lady,” said another.  Have we reached a point of no return in this country where politicians can do no right?  Yes.  Good luck trying to keep the ambition alive to help Americans all you future politicians out there.  They don’t want it.

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Eric Cantor Reveals New Catchphrase!

March 14, 2012 Leave a comment


Eric Cantor, this Wednesday the 14th, revealed the the American public his much anticipated new slogan.  Boomshakalaka.

Most politicians have some type of slogan or saying that is used again and again.  Rudy Guiliani had “9/11.”  Al Gore had “Global Warming is a thing.  I swear.”  Eric Cantor, the current House Majority Leader, realized that in order to take his career to the next level, he would need a slogan.  And that is where ‘boomshakalaka’ comes from.

A group of advisors close to Eric Cantor told him “Listen Eric.  No one likes you.  You need to come up with something that people can at least remember you by.  That will help keep you in the public eye for years to come.”  Shortly after Cantor came up with his slogan that he said would be used “after big accomplishments like passing a bill, or punching Obama in the penis.”

“We tried to tell him, ‘that’s not really what we’re talking about.  We mean like a staple of your career.  Some kind of platform to campaign on.  A sole issue that is yours to lead the charge into the 21st century.’  After he stared at us blankly for, what felt like an hour, we decided to just let him have his fun.  He’s such a sweet little guy.”

So be sure and keep an eye out for Cantor to use his new catch phrase that will officially be held whenever he does anything great.  So you probably will never hear it.

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