The Most Profitable Job in 2011: Pollers.

Unless you have been in a coma or are one of those kids who is kept in a cage from birth on, you know that the economy is in a rut. Every area of employment is experiencing a rough patch to say the least. And the term “not hiring” has become the most common one all over the world. But a recent study done by South Texas of Fremont University showed that there is still one job that is paying better than ever before. Pollers.

The people who poll the public, have random statistics about public opinion, and give us the random sentiments like “Ten percent of Americans think bestiality is wrong,” are in an increasingly profitable stage. In this study, it showed that 50% of pollers have received a raise in the past year, 40% of those having nearly doubled their salary. One hundred percent of Americans were unaware that this was even a career. Seventeen percent of a random polling of people on the street stated that they would “beat down anyone who got a raise this year.” The other 83% would not talk to us so we are assuming that 83% of Americans are dicks.

Not everyone can fall into this career. It takes a specific brand of nerd. This kind of nerd needs a bachelor’s degree in statistics. And since statistics is stupid and difficult, it would only make sense that if you can sit through four years of statistics training, you deserve to make a good paycheck.

For some reason, 100% of Americans want to know what 100% of people think about 100% of things. Which gives these anonymous and supposedly unbiased pollers job security like no other. So if you are completely lost and without full-time employment like around 18% of Americans are, then it may be time for a switch.