May 4, 2012 2 Comments
After months of campaigning and fending off numerous other suitors for the presidency, Mitt Romney is now the presumptive nominee. The last piece of that puzzle was for Newt Gingrich to end what some have called a ‘campaign.’
Most would consider what he has been doing for the past few months simply a speaking tour. So when Gingrich announced to the media that he would be ending his campaign, no one knew what the fuck he was talking about. After doing a little more research and some top notch journalism we discovered that during this speaking tour, Gingrich has been referring to himself as a ‘candidate’ and the tour as a ‘campaign.’
Although no one at any of his speeches believed he was running for president, they all still let him say it over and over again without mentioning that it would never ever happen no matter how many times he said it. “We all heard him say it. Everyone just kind of chuckled and was like ‘Oh Newt, you kill us,’” said one attendee of his South Carolina speech. “This guy’s hilarious! Almost as good as Larry the Cable Guy,” said another.
No word as of yet as to whether he will continue his speaking tour or not. He thinks his speaking tour and campaign are two different things so who knows what he thinks he actually ended. Also, no word as of yet whether he has pooped his pants recently or not either.